little rock, arkansas

March 16, 2022

I love Little Rock.

It will always be my city.

My fondest memories are walking to work every day at the library.

Running over the bridges.

Eating.

Laughing.

Volunteering.

Writing.

It had been a minute since I visited for more than a day and I got to slow down and get into it.

I saw old friends who are constant. Walked the same sidewalks. Paddled the river. Ate new food. Met the people I work with for the first time. Watched Pokémon. Pet a dog. Drank at least 9 cups of coffee.

I like revisiting these spaces where I’ve been and learning how I am different. How I’ve changed. Evolved. Became. Five years ago I ended a relationship when I had to lock myself in a room. I was afraid. He wasn’t a monster. Just drunk and angry. But this experience changed me. It took me 4 years and almost a month to the day. And on the side of a sandy mush creek bank last fall, I realized that it was okay to have been afraid. I don’t always have to be so brave. Fear can be a good emotion to teach you. Make you respond.

That realization was such a relief. It’s what got me moving again. I had been feeling a weight dragging on me that was getting heavy. I was not opening myself up to people in the way that is me. I was playing defense. Watching. Listening. Over analyzing every word I said. Every motion. To make sure that I wasn’t doing something wrong. It was a habit picked up from a bad relationship.

I was excited to meet myself again in Little Rock.

Always new discovering —