bull trout lake

July 17, 2022

Today I cannot tell if the time is growing long or short.

I am sitting with a certain amount of restlessness that I can’t shake off. It’s unease about taking up too much space. Enjoying myself too much. Worrying if I am making friends jealous. But at the same time, I feel completely free and happy. Reconciling these two feelings is something of a constant for me.

It’s good to remind myself that my body needs days like today. To rest in the sunshine. Take a nap in the shade. Move at a pace that feels comfortable to me, even if that means staying in one spot for hours and hours without doing much of anything.

Slowing down is a practice—

It takes time to notice the way the wind is blowing. How the sun is moving across the sky when you enter into a new space. What plants are growing. What animals are moving about—

I just saw an osprey fly to the surface of the lake where I am sitting and grab a fish in its talons.

To observe these moments in nature, remind me that if I didn’t slow down and sit to watch, I would never see the osprey taking off towards the pine tree where I could barely see it’s nest between the needles.