horses beside the rio grande, gravel pit

January 18, 2022

I awoke at dawn. The plan was to drive out of Big Bend, but my mind was racing. I felt heavy. Moving too quickly again. Thinking about what I still wanted to do in this landscape. But my plan was to leave and start driving back east again.

I decided to slow down. I needed to take some time to decide if I was moving in a way that felt right. Was it time to leave? Okay, then take a few more moments in this place. Enjoy these last quiet moments of a desert morning.

So, I made coffee. Then I went on a walk to the river’s edge. The Rio Grande. To take one more long look into Mexico.

I walked down the road. Noticing the rocks. Taking it slow. My thoughts were still moving fast, but I found that which each step in the present, I felt a little more relaxed. I bent down to pick up a rock that caught my eye. It had a slight indention. A perfect fit for my thumb if I held it in my hand. So I walked with that rock down the road. I turned the last small bend and saw two wild horses grazing in the sunlight.

I took my sandals off and started to tip toe in the sand. I got a little closer and sat down with my coffee. I sat and I watched. Time stood still. The horses grazed. The sun rose. I felt calm again. Grounded. I wasn’t ready. I admitted it. I needed another day, another night, in the desert. To slow down. To sit.

I changed my plans in that moment. One more day for Big Bend. One more night to sleep on the mesa.
—

wild horses grazing at dawn
the rio grande
tip toeing in the sand
my coffee in hand
becoming land
watching
still
sunlight rising
the horizon climbing
and I - myself -
sitting still still still